Samuel Vaganza had no idea his newborn daughter's birth would wrought such fevered reactions as those on the day his wife birthed Shannon Vaganza at Juniper Heights Hospital in Coloradoland, Michigan. But damnit if he wasn't inundated by hashtags, tweets and general fervor over her surname.
Everywhere, he saw #extravanganza as some odd attempt to resurrect a word predominantly used by local used-car dealership proprietors and old women who put waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much emphasis on their grandson's graudation party when all he wants is something small with his friends but no she has to be all smothering and invite people he wasn't even that good of friends with like--
Mr. Vaganza had this to say on his Facebook account following the phenomenon, missing point entirely that his daughter is a celebration:
"I don't want my daughter to be a viral sensation or online celebrity, especially when she still hasn't done anything of note or worth. She has already spent nine months being viral inside my wife.No one gave a hoot about my Vines or YouTube videos that I put a lot of time into with my buddy Chad. Not to mention she seems arrogant enough, she doesn't need more ammunition to that poison. Added to that, she is a Vaganza, not an extra Vaganza. She's not another one, she is an addition. An addition is not an extra, it's a part, a piece. I know we're a fertile people and there are a lot of us, but not enough for people to be tired of us yet. I do like the word, though. And I will make sure her first birthday will certainly be a Vaganza Extravaganza Bonanza, Tony Danza!"
UPDATE: He had these hashtags of his own three weeks after this article was posted and #insisted we post them:
#additionalvaganza
#baby
#newborn
#happy
#father
#gooddad
#bestdad
#superiordad
#betterthanmost
#notall
#probablyagoodamount
#dontlookather
#donttouchher
#iwillkillyou
#iamnotkidding
#staythefuckawayfromhercreep
#sheisjustababy
#notuntilsheseighteenandoutofmyhouse
#alreadyaheadachevaganza
#earlyresentment
#wantedaboy
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