OP-ED: Idiot Baby Immune To Mommy's Airplane Spoon

  No matter how much blblblblblbbl she might do with her lips to mimick the language of an airplane propellor or soar her spoon-holding hand across the kitchen, Sarah Brownspot cannot get her 4-month old toddler to eat in a fun and playful way.

  It eats when fed normally. Which is fine, it needs nourishment. But it doesn't eat when she does the airplane.

  Why, I wonder?

  Babies the world over respond to that kind of thing; airplane delivery straight to their toothless gums. But this baby clearly doesn't understand the concept and, frankly, I feel bad for it. Will it ever understand anything?

  It's clearly not blind because I watched it follow some fuzz and then giggle at some stupid shit. It also isn't deaf because I waited for it to fall asleep then shouted "PISSKIDNEY" and it woke up.

  So why is this fucking nuisance with the appeal of a ferret playing dumb? Does it have something against planes? I onvinced the mother to test it. Instead of a plane, try a train. If that doesn't work, then it just likes to eat normally with no silliness and has no automotive bias.

  Low and behold, it ate just fine when a "choo-choo, chuggachuggachugga" came rolling into its mouth station.

  Clearly, planes are not on this baby's agenda. Future terrorist if I ever saw one.